a note to a lover no more

my only refuge now is sleep.
and even that is prone to betray me.
in your absence it has switched allegiance.
where it was once brought to me,
by your embrace...
it has now deserted me.
gone to seek another’s
warm body to cling to...

my last refuge was sleep.
but it was only that with you beside...
without you it is hollow.
a meaningless void to disappear to,
where no dreams come
and no renewal is found.

with no sleep to turn to
what am i to do?

i drink... and even that is nothing.
without your hands to bring
a drink to your lips,
and mine echoing with awe
it is nothing.

so i smoke sensi
and all it does is put
the picture of you,
the picture of us...
into sharp perspective.

i eat...
but the cavernous void in your shape
filling my entire being is limitless.
a black hole intent on consuming
each and every thing within
and without...

so now i will sleep,
but be sure it will not be easy.
be sure, it will be unbearable.
but it is my last and only refuge...
for you have left me.
and without you what is it all for?